the nail in the coffin - love story

We had sex and now he won’t call. I’m so CONFUSED!

By Kate de Brito

Dear Bossy: I have now been broken up with my ex for 4 months… not a good break up and I was shattered as he was my true first love. Anyway I have known lets call him Tom, since primary school, we have stayed in and out of contact for the last 15 or so years. We have heaps in common and we can talk for hours and hours!

About 6 months ago when I was still dating my ex, Tom and I caught up for a beer and a chat something not out of the usual for us, anyway he knew that the ex and I’s relationship wasn’t on solid ground and we were having a few problems, he sat there and listened to me and told me to get rid of him… anyways I took another 3 months for me to do so… about 2 or so months ago Tom told me that he was really interested in me and wanted to ask me out that night of listening to my upset… I told him that it would have never happened as I don’t cheat and that im flattered that he wanted to go out for a date.

Ok so here's the problem… I got a txt from him about 4 weeks ago on a Saturday night saying – you rock my world…. I wasn’t sure if he was drunk or truly meant it so I didn’t responded till the next day just saying did you have a good night last night? We caught up 2 weeks ago for a beer and a chat which turned out to be a 7 hour beer and chat… when having to say goodbye it was dragged out and the s exual tension was so thick you could pretty much slice it… we spoke through txt msgs the next couple of days both asking ourselves why didn’t we do anything at that moment… I think we were both shy or whatever???

So after much thought about the night I started realising that I was developing feelings for him, so I stupidly told him over txting (im kicking myself now coz I hate doing personal kinda stuff over txts and emails) anyway I told him in a way that I didn’t wanna freak him out, saying Tom I think you’re a rad guy and since seeing you the other night I think im starting to like you a bit more than friends… anyway his response took ages and he didn’t really say much as to wether or not he felt the same or wasn’t interested! I was so confused (and still am) about this whole situation then about 4 days after me telling him this we ended up sleeping together, was awkward in the start but then the passion and heat was just magnetic! So yes it was very hot!

Ok so since sleeping together things seem to be weirder! He hasn’t really shown any interest to see me and txts rarely I finally got to talk to him about the whole situation and that I didn’t understand why he was distancing himself or why he never gave me a real answer but wanted to sleep with me? I told him if it was just a booty call that he wanted and didn’t wanna do it again then im ok with that (which im really not) he told me he thought he responded to my admittance of how I felt towards him, he said that he doesn’t think he is ready for anything and that I want kids and marriage and all that… I told him which is completely true that yes I do want those things but not now! Im only 23 I want to travel and do so much more before I get into anything like that and oh he also said he wasn’t ready to love again… the thing is if he would have just been honest from the start and I knew where I stood I would be fine! I told him that all I wanted was to spend a bit more time together getting to know each other a little better and just take it easy??

I don’t know how else to react, I honestly think im not being to pushy or clingy but am I scaring him off? IM SO CONFUSED! Im sick of trying to organise us catching up when he keeps knocking me back.. he told me he wanted to hang out and I seem to be banging my head against a brick wall as to why its not happening? Is he just not that into me?? (you’d think I would know after seeing the movie and reading the friggen book!!)

Should I just give up on him and any hope that there may be a chance for us? Or should I try a different approach?

Thanks
Clueless!

Bossy says: Read the “friggen book” again, because you clearly missed some chapters. He wanted to sleep with you. You mistook his interest in getting you into bed for something more. When he said “you rock my world” he really meant “I think you’re hot, let’s have sex.”

You thought he meant “let’s go cuddle up on the couch and read poetry together”. He knew you didn’t just want sex but he went ahead and had sex with you because he’d been wanting to for a while and knew it would take very little to seal the deal. Once the deal was sealed he sensed even more strongly that you wanted poetry on the couch, so he scambled to get away. He keeps telling you he wants to catch up because it’s easier than telling you he’s lost interest altogether.

“I’m not ready to love again”? That’s the worst of the worst. That’s even worse than “it’s not you, it’s me”, or “I don’t want to lose you as a friend.” That’s just the nail in the coffin. Give up. It’s finished.

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Friday, May 22, 2009